


Forward We Look, and Forward We Go

by Mandergee



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Happy Ending, Spoilers for 5x17
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 00:11:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14320140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mandergee/pseuds/Mandergee
Summary: In events following 5x17, what Phil Coulson knew would happen finally DID- and as luck would have it, another solution was able to save him. May visits him in the infirmary during his recovery, and what needs to be said finally IS.





	Forward We Look, and Forward We Go

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea that Simmons would kinda pull what Starfleet doctors pulled when Captain Picard needed a new heart, so this kinda takes off from post-surgery.

     "Still more man than machine." She was there when he woke up; unexpected, in his mind, as they hadn't spoken since their 'discussion' in the hallway and he hadn't been able to pin down her location after the fact. She'd successfully dodged him for days, and if there was one thing he knew with certainty: when Melinda May didn't want to be found, she absolutely wouldn't be.

     "But plenty of machine, now. Better start carrying around an oil can, to be safe." Simmons had propped him up into a comfortable recline, and Phil tilted his chin to look down at the lines that spread eerily across his chest. His new mechanical heart beat steadily beneath the fading roadmap, and he wondered if it would really last as long as the estimate given. _A hundred years- longer than the rest of me, unless I'm replaced piece by piece._ "I don't know what's worse- the lines, or the impending itch when the hair starts growing back."

     "Don't be such a baby." Her expression softened for a moment, and Melinda stepped further into the room. "You'll be fine."

     "I don't know. Accidentally shaved off a patch of hair when I was eighteen, and I still remember trying not to awkwardly scratch like a caveman in Academy training." His flesh hand lifted to absently scratch, the suggestion fresh in his mind, and with a surprising swiftness May moved in to close her own hand over his fingers to restrain them.

     "Leave it alone." Was she only talking about that? He couldn't be sure, glancing up at her eyes as she remained focused on their joined hands, her face somehow saying a million things while her lips said nothing at all.

     "I'm sor-" They both said it together, and the melodic chime of their voices had him smiling even as she followed suit. "May, you don't have anything to be sorry about."

     "I do." Her breathing was steady as she let her hand fall away from his, and Phil felt the sudden urge to grab hold and keep her close. But she stepped back, shook her head as she considered him, and the odd feeling that seized his chest was- for once- nothing associated with his injuries. "Phil, I'm not sorry that I said what I did. Not for a second."

     "Oh?"

     "No."

     "Then what-"

     "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." The surprise drew his brows together, and he wished fervently for his sunglasses. She'd always been right about his poker face, and irrationally he wanted nothing more than to hide his lack of disappointment. She wasn't sorry she _loved_ him. And he, Phil realized, wasn't sorry she'd said it.

     "When I died- when I saw you- I wanted to tell you the second I saw you again. I wanted you to know how much you meant to me. How much you _always_ meant."

     "I-" _I think I knew_ , he thought. Years before, his fingers wrapped around her arm and pain creasing her forehead as he harshly yanked a bullet from her flesh. He thought that maybe he'd known _then_ , though his own mind and his own needs had been well beyond the realm of imagining love again. He'd wanted to solve a mystery, to put lost opportunities behind him and focus only on making the world a better place. Remembering now how her voice had stumbled made him pause, now, and he wondered how much his anger at the time had prevented him from seeing the bigger picture. "I'm sorry I made all of those decisions. I should have consulted you."

     "You're a big boy, Phil. You have the ability to know what choices are right for you." Her arms were crossed now and she'd adopted a stance he found so familiar; it was defensive, fear dancing in her warm brown eyes as she paused. "But you needed to know. So you could start to make the right ones."

     "I know. I do," He insisted. "And I should have told you, a long time ago, why I _am_ afraid to die."

     "Why is that?"

     "Because I love you too." It wasn't as hard to say as he'd imagined. Years had gone by since he'd whispered the words in his mother's ear, watching her body being lowered into the ground just moments after. Decades, really, though he could smell her perfume and hear her telling him how proud she was...as if it were yesterday. But he hadn't said it, not even to Audrey, as the words stuck in his throat like under-cooked oatmeal. May was different, and the warmth of her gaze coupled with the tingle in his nostrils from the scent of her shampoo was a marriage of sensations he didn't want to miss.

     They stayed apart for a moment longer, the silence comfortable. And she spoke again.

     "You're an idiot."

     "I know." He felt heartened now, the tightness in his chest a distant memory and the smile on her face bright like the sun. "But I'm your idiot."

     "Looks that way." May sat now, on the edge of the bed, and leaned in to press her lips softly against his before twisting their fingers together again. "So. Are we moving forward?"

     "Looks that way," He echoed. " What the future holds, no one can know. But forward we look, and forward we go."

     "Poetic." Her hair was soft against his chest as she lay her head upon it, and he could feel her smile against his skin. "Did you make that up?"

     "Nope. Star Trek."

     "You're a geek, Phil Coulson."

     "For better or worse," He replied. "But not until death do us part."

     "Fine by me. _You're_ never dying again."

 

**Author's Note:**

> The title, and that Star Trek quote at the end there both come from the Star Trek: TNG episode "Second Chances". Thomas Riker (Will Riker's duplicate) leaves adorable notes for Deanna Troi, and I feel like Phil would be enough of a geek to totally use that.


End file.
